heck according to my dashboard, this is my 200th post.
Meaning i have put up 200 silly things online, broadcasting it to the world.
Everything seems meaningless now. So insignificant. Nothing catches my eye, nothing seems to be breathing around me. Its all DEAD.
Don’t really know what am i looking for but right now, at this very moment i am just going to write whatever that comes out of my head. No reservations, no flowerly languages, no editing. Just plain and simple. Bluntness is what i can give for this 200th post.
Not many people will actually see or understand why am i writing like this, some may question me and some may even thought : like hey why the hell does it even matter now?
What can i say? I just happen to be going through my phase in life and i just want to pen it down before i forget.
I’m only 19 years old, to many it doesn’t seem to be a proper age to reflect and try to sit down quietly and think about important stuff (please excuse my grammar, i’m not going to correct anything so if you’re one of those who despises horrible english, sorry but not getting any good material here).
Everyone has their priorities, i’m no different. Just that mine centres around the people i care about and the role i play to help them fulfil their needs. I like to think that i actually helped someone before, that i have made an impact in someones lives. I’ll never know really. Too many deceptions, sarcasms, and distrust among family. All these movies screening on tv talking bout relationships and love and compassion, you think people actually do those kind of things? the only reason its on the tube is because it makes alot of money. People pay to see what they wish is happening around them. makes them cry for a little while, share the joys and hopes and sadness of a fictional character. Because no one in their right mind would ever dare share their true feelings, to bare their self to anyone at all. Not even the ones they love.
I won’t say that i am able to do that, as that would be pure hypocrisy. I am no different. I do not share my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions, or my words. I keep it to myself like a miser, pinching to the last penny.
Then i wonder, what happens if i die? what happens when i go away and no one would know what i feel for them. Usually people actually think of this kinda stuff when they are going to die or when someone they know dies. Thats the point when we want to change. I say that its the wrong time. Perfectly idiotic and dramatic. What matters is the time when you are working, when you’re facing difficulties, when you are up to your necks with work. Thats the time to spend time and tell the person, hey u know what? i think you’re the most wonderful person i’ve ever met in my life.
People come up with excuses, and say oh im too busy, i can’t possibly think of that sort of thing especially when i am stressed out, you have to understand i cannot possibly do everything at the same time. i cannot be a people pleaser all the time you know.
Hah, what they do not know is that they don’t want to be a people pleaser then, they will never have time to actually do what they were supposed to do.
I just think back of my 19 years, it may seem really short for someone who has lived for 100 years, but for me. Its a life. it may be short, but things…many things can happen in a span of time. If only i actually want it to happen. I’m glad i don’t think like everyone else, i’m glad God helps me see that i can do stuff, i’m glad that i find friends in the weirdest places, i’m glad i don’t follow people. I may look like i’m alone but i don’t care. Because my place is where i feel most comfortable.
My 200th post, i give to you. My thoughts of the moment.