An Inspire Me Feature : Ghosts

Italo Calvino said: The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts. Describe the ghosts that live in this house: Image credit: “love Don’t live here anymore…” – © 2009 Robb North – made available under Attribution 2.0 Generic

I couldn’t tell if its night or day,

Light, does not reflect on my eyes…anymore.

***

Monday

She usually sits by the left window sill. Then takes a sip from her teacup, and immediately her eyes would zoom straight into mine. I would be sucked into her and then I would be beside her, with my hand in hers.

Crazy hair that stands in all direction would softly graze my face as she cuddles up to me. She wears only a large t-shirt, moving closer to me.

Everything about her is cold. Her lips look cold, her hands are cold, her feet are blue and her nipples would show. She’s very cold and she wants my warmth.

Tuesday

His sound of laughter would echo from the back door, beckoning you to explore the source. A ball would bounce across the house and then rebound to back to the other side.

He wears a blue shirt and black shorts with strangely muddy socks and shoes. His dark hair straight and long, tied behind in a pony tail.

He smiles, and pulls you to the nearest bog.

“Come, lets play” he says

“It will be fun” he says

“you won’t ever want to go home” he says

Wednesday

Golden curls reflecting the sunlight would blind my sight when she appears around noon. Her flowing pink dress with its frills and thrills. Her beautiful pink smile, and beautiful pink teeth.

She’s soft, graceful and genial. The white mare that accompanies her is never too far from her, grazing contently.

A pink puppy would bound about, through her, above her.

She smiles and starts to undress, showing her pink porcelain body all cracked and smashed with its gaps and holes.

“come” she whispers

“come”

Thursday

The storm hits and you run into the house, disregarding the past 3 days. Then suddenly, a creak of wood startles you.

Lightning strikes and a silhouette of a person seated on a rocking chair would appear.

Your heart hammers frantically against your rib cage as you debated between braving the storm and staying to find out.

“what…are..you doing…in my…HOUSE!”

Thunder roared and lightning strikes fiercely again.

You didn’t stay to find out this time.

Friday

You stared at the house again and notice that everything looks different.

Yesterday seemed to be a turning point and you wondered about that. Had everything always seem that way?

You recalled a scene on television, it was a scene during the war where everything was fuzzy, unclear and black and white.

That’s how the scene look like now, everything was fuzzy, unclear and black and white.

“I couldn’t tell if its night or day, light does not reflect in my eyes…anymore”

Back after a Breather

I have been missing classes before and after my Kinabalu trip, fitting in the time to complete my tasks at work and working out to get me ready for the climb.

Last night, I finally stepped into the gym and man it felt good, although I wasn’t as smooth or reacting as fast as I was before. The adrenaline and great sweat out worked for me.

Image

I have to say, the climb has definitely affected me, spiritually, mentally and physically. Right now, I’m thinking, I need to get back into the regime, to eat healthily, work out while having fun and living the lifestyle that improves my outlook in life!

While I was at the summit, all I could think of was “Wow. Thank you God for helping me reach the top. Your creation rocks ass.”

I felt a lot lighter, better and ready to take on the world. Not entirely sure why but it seemed important for me to list out the things I want to do, accomplish, improve as well as what I want to do with myself.

Strange that one climb made such a difference in thought and outlook. I have another amazing adventure waiting for me in October. Will that too, be the tipping point of my life?

I can’t wait.

She tries again

She has been hard on herself the past 3 months. Rethinking who she is, lost, and tearing herself down. Searing words from people whom she thought mattered rang sharply in her ears.

Her knees scraped against the ground. Her dew dropped tears stained the tar road.

Ragged breath passed through her body as hatred towards her own being poured in. Her soul has reached the lowest, darkest depth of humanity. The air felt chilled, the noise muted out, the pain –  a welcomed feeling.

And then there was silence. As sudden as it came, she slowly sits up, straightens up, slowly. Her breathing, in, out, in and out, rhythmic as it begun gentling down, deep breaths as she cleared her head. Her hands in front of her cupped like receiving water from the sky, like a prayer of a child. She submits as she lifts her countenance to the sun.

When she opens her eyes, she has decided. She will try again. Again and again no matter what people think. She will try.

A long absence and an Olympic experience

I finally have time to write! Its been a busy period and boy many things have happened!

From partying, to working late hours, running around, mostly having loads of fun to the real down times – there were loads of hair pulling, crying, bawling and just down moments involved.

However the more recent and talked about event had to be last night – the badminton final between two old competitors. Two who have been battling out over the years. It was a close and exciting fight, I had my breath held at many heart stopping parts. With my family and the rest of my country, we screamed, we shouted, we encouraged. My god I never felt so in touch with the rest my countrymen before.

I was watching from the comforts of my home but I swear I could hear the cries echoed throughout the horizons. It was a very very close match, one that we are immensely proud of, Dato Lee Chong Wei was victorious in attaining Malaysia’s first Silver Olympic medal. First ever since god knows when!

He marked the event with the flag of our country and I’ve never felt so proud being a Malaysian. Of course we were hoping for our first Gold but nonetheless we saw how he tried, how he has improved and how he really strived for it. We couldn’t ask for anything more, we could only hope for better results the next time round.

Now, I’m finally gonna buy his book and read it. Just because.

Off days, Holidays, Working days

These days there aren’t any difference between the three. I work nearly everyday and I have my off moments where I just switch off (doesn’t matter if I’m actually relaxing or sneaking off in the office reading a comic book – I thank God my boss doesn’t have my blog URL).

Long days at work makes me tired. Long holidays makes me restless, while off days…I just remain switched off (I can imagine a red on/off button just at the back of my spine then).

I wonder what is it I’m looking for now?

Staring at the screen with a stern face – as my colleagues say. I thought about the question. I quickly switch the page to an excel document just to make it look like I’m working and sat quietly with Maroon 5 pumping their party like music into my ears.

My fingers pressed onto my temple as I try to figure out my frustration. (Really? I’m frustrated? Its hard to admit it but that is the closest feeling I can relate to now)

Then my thoughts started wandering to memories of me screaming my lungs out in New Zealand as I zipped down a line in god-knows-how-many-miles-per-hour. That brought a small smile. Another thought came and I was out under the blue sky with the sun kissing my face. My heart starts beating a little faster.

And my eyes grew tired.

I know what I need to do, so here’s a couple of quotes to pick me up and hopefully you’d find something from it too.

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.
Dale Carnegie

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
H. Jackson Brown Jr. (P.S. I Love You)

Motivating me

I was in need of cheering up last night when not getting any rest was finally getting to me. I was physically tired, mentally drained and emotionally unstable. Never knew being so tired can change a person like that.

Before I turned into a blubbering mess, I called a friend to distract my thoughts. What better way to fix things by not dwelling on the problem only? This friend, (poor guy), is an exceptionally nice person and for some reason or rather, I can get exceptionally irritated by him.

So I called him :

Me : Hi, can you talk now?
Him : Yep whassup?
Me : I need something to distract me so that I can sleep, hurry, say something irritating.
Him : ?!?!?!? WTH?!
Him : Are you okay?
Me : I’m fine, I’m good but I need something to distract me…

(at this moment my voice started to choke which probably caused some concern, but I didn’t want that to be the focus)

Me : Say something

(He failed at first saying something of no significance)

Him : Erm,….okay…I don’t know what to say now…
Me : Btw ….(starts talking about our meeting arrangements)
Him : Ah…

He started giving half hearted answers, and that’s when my irritation grew. I know now what ticks me off.

He then proceeded to give me more half hearted answers. I was boiling mad.

Me : Urgh! You’re so irritating! I hate you! I’m going to bed now! G’night!!!

*hangs up*

Phew. I did feel better. And this morning, I woke up refreshed and found a couple of quotes to continue motivating my spirit. Here’s to a good day!

Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.
Victor Kiam

I can, therefore I am.
Simone Weil

When good friends / people intervene

The start of my day couldn’t be any better.

I woke up late, got ready in 20 minutes and found ready made breakfast waiting for me, oh it warms my tummy, thanks mom.

My sister reminded me of our meeting tonight, boy was I happy to not be the one to chase for appointments.

I got into my car and turned on the radio, and remembered a CD my friend wanted me to listen to, my gosh the tunes were good. I drove to work while sitting on cloud 9 and didn’t miss any turns.

Then when I reach my office and turned on my laptop I saw the encouraging comments sent to my email.

Really, the start of my day couldn’t be any better!

An Exceptional Morning Greeting

Our day is more often depicted by how well our morning starts, progressing towards how things go before lunch and finally it’ll roll accordingly till its time to go home.

I’m glad and grateful that my every morning is greeted by an overly enthusiastic door man. He would start every sentence with either a “good morning beautiful” or “good morning love”.

He’ll then follow through with the following :

“Have a successful day”
“Have a sweet day”
“Have a fantastic working day”

Its always either those, I’m pretty sure there’s more really. He always encourages me to smile as well which would lighten my mood tremendously to prepare myself for the day’s work.

Today, he added a cool move, he brought up his fist and said “Give it a punch my girl!”

I promptly fist bump him. That was so awesome.

My morning today so far, has been nothing short of awesome.

Hope

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit. – Norman Vincent Peale

Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory. – Norman Vincent Peale

And I shall keep hoping.
To hope for an excellent future.
Hope for dreams come true.
Hope for love.

Good morning and have a fantastic day ahead of you.