Back after a Breather

I have been missing classes before and after my Kinabalu trip, fitting in the time to complete my tasks at work and working out to get me ready for the climb.

Last night, I finally stepped into the gym and man it felt good, although I wasn’t as smooth or reacting as fast as I was before. The adrenaline and great sweat out worked for me.

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I have to say, the climb has definitely affected me, spiritually, mentally and physically. Right now, I’m thinking, I need to get back into the regime, to eat healthily, work out while having fun and living the lifestyle that improves my outlook in life!

While I was at the summit, all I could think of was “Wow. Thank you God for helping me reach the top. Your creation rocks ass.”

I felt a lot lighter, better and ready to take on the world. Not entirely sure why but it seemed important for me to list out the things I want to do, accomplish, improve as well as what I want to do with myself.

Strange that one climb made such a difference in thought and outlook. I have another amazing adventure waiting for me in October. Will that too, be the tipping point of my life?

I can’t wait.

Because I can think of absolutely nothing at all…

Everything is on “action” mode now. Its a do or die mode, spend now and regret later. Unfortunately I wish I can say the same for sex me now and ask me later, whoops, where did that came from. *snickers*

Its been an eventful time since I went AWOL from writing. Not that my writing misses me but I thought it would be nice of me to be considerate and drop by time to time. Yes, I am consoling myself, self gratification happens on a daily basis. It justifies my existence.

You know that saying, love yourself….or something. Only remembered that part, so I’ve been doing much self loving by:
1. Working out (picked up a new martial art)

2. Eating healthily (in moderation, junk food still exists, in fact I’m going to a fast food joint for lunch today, good lord yes…)

3. Dressing up

4. Buying more books (I need to find time to read them)

5. Downloading more ebooks

6. Spending money on random food

I sound like I’m getting over a break up. Which sounds pretty sad when there wasn’t anything going on to begin with. A big face palm is needed right now. Looking back I see what a busy social life I’m giving myself, my schedule is packed to the brim and I’m just so busy doing so many things and nothing at all (reading awesome comic books and finishing up the books I just started).

Yoda would’ve quote “Much life is needed for self, as self needs much life”.

Nerd, workaholic, and fitness junkie thou must not become.

Let me bring out my red carpet.

On a brighter note, bringing out the pessimist in me is strangely refreshing, I feel a lot better now.

Sometimes my days disappear

One at a time, it goes
Sometimes I lost track of time
Days would’ve passed
Weeks
Months

Have I really been having so much fun?
They did say that time flies when you’re having fun.
But what is fun when I don’t share it with friends,
what is fun when its not with the people that matters the most?

Though time slips through the grips between my fingers
I learn to treasure, to cherish, to be absorbed in the present
Trying not to over think, over push, and over estimate
Learning to be there, so that someone or sometime will be there for me too

Although sometimes, my days tend to disappear,
I take joy that my days can reappear too
An extra day, an extra hour, an extra moment
Just enough for me to say, to do, to reach out

My friends, thank you for being patient and loving me the way I am
My family, thank you for making it a joy of being a part of one,
Everyday is an amazing testimony
Everyday, lost and found, is an amazing experience

So here’s to life, lost and found days, and delicious food to share around. 🙂

She tries again

She has been hard on herself the past 3 months. Rethinking who she is, lost, and tearing herself down. Searing words from people whom she thought mattered rang sharply in her ears.

Her knees scraped against the ground. Her dew dropped tears stained the tar road.

Ragged breath passed through her body as hatred towards her own being poured in. Her soul has reached the lowest, darkest depth of humanity. The air felt chilled, the noise muted out, the pain –  a welcomed feeling.

And then there was silence. As sudden as it came, she slowly sits up, straightens up, slowly. Her breathing, in, out, in and out, rhythmic as it begun gentling down, deep breaths as she cleared her head. Her hands in front of her cupped like receiving water from the sky, like a prayer of a child. She submits as she lifts her countenance to the sun.

When she opens her eyes, she has decided. She will try again. Again and again no matter what people think. She will try.

The Power of Words, Words and Words

Just bought and read the first 20 pages a book called “The Four Agreements”, written by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Typically, I wouldn’t be caught reading anything else aside from my favourite genre’s : fantasy, thrillers and adventure. However I have been encouraged and persuaded to invest a little for my own personal development.

What surprises me however is how much of an easy read this book turned out to be! Most of the time I avoided personal development books like a plague because of the perception that it would be dry, fake and repetitive. I was proven wrong on all counts.

The book appealed to my love for mythology and stories as it started off with a little history on how they came about the “agreements” and new found wisdom they want to share. Its only the first 20 pages but I can’t wait to return to it to see what else I can learn from it.

So far, I was taught the power of words, how it affects not only others but ourselves as well. How we are formed by the words we speak out because words, not only affect people emotionally but they also form a binding agreement with the brain. I didn’t realise how profoundly powerful a sentence uttered could change a person entirely!

The book proved itself right though because unknowingly that’s what happened to me! I have a really good friend who says nothing but good and positive words on me. It was ALL he said and he strengthened the power of his words by saying this :

“Its only the truth.”

Not only did he succeeded in making me feel a lot better with myself, his words formed an agreement in my head that I am that sort of person! What happened later was that people start noticing a change in me. Not only in my posture or my outlook but get this, they actually say that my features have improved tremendously! I didn’t realise anything like this is happening, I see myself in the mirror everyday and I still look the same to me.

Its as if God performed plastic surgery on me overnight.

I learn not to undermine the power of words and to speak with care. I can’t wait to read on and see what else can I glean from this book. Check it out yourself and see what you can take from it!

Off days, Holidays, Working days

These days there aren’t any difference between the three. I work nearly everyday and I have my off moments where I just switch off (doesn’t matter if I’m actually relaxing or sneaking off in the office reading a comic book – I thank God my boss doesn’t have my blog URL).

Long days at work makes me tired. Long holidays makes me restless, while off days…I just remain switched off (I can imagine a red on/off button just at the back of my spine then).

I wonder what is it I’m looking for now?

Staring at the screen with a stern face – as my colleagues say. I thought about the question. I quickly switch the page to an excel document just to make it look like I’m working and sat quietly with Maroon 5 pumping their party like music into my ears.

My fingers pressed onto my temple as I try to figure out my frustration. (Really? I’m frustrated? Its hard to admit it but that is the closest feeling I can relate to now)

Then my thoughts started wandering to memories of me screaming my lungs out in New Zealand as I zipped down a line in god-knows-how-many-miles-per-hour. That brought a small smile. Another thought came and I was out under the blue sky with the sun kissing my face. My heart starts beating a little faster.

And my eyes grew tired.

I know what I need to do, so here’s a couple of quotes to pick me up and hopefully you’d find something from it too.

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.
Dale Carnegie

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
H. Jackson Brown Jr. (P.S. I Love You)

Hope

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit. – Norman Vincent Peale

Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory. – Norman Vincent Peale

And I shall keep hoping.
To hope for an excellent future.
Hope for dreams come true.
Hope for love.

Good morning and have a fantastic day ahead of you.

Living Anew

Not sure where I heard it but it has been repeated over time again and again. Its this phrase :

We are creatures of habit

I found a phrase that I agree and disagree to. After all, it is only when you’re able to accept things at their essence that enables you to break away from it.

My comfort zone revolves around not doing anything, I save a lot of money because of that. But I also meet less people and know less about my surroundings, or what’s fun to do. I would have been a horrible tour guide.

I would return home from work, look for food, watch TV, take a shower, go to sleep. This continues every day for the week days, unless I have a class or practise to attend. Weekends really aren’t any different; wake up, look for food, read my book, watch TV, probably go out if my friends look for me, come home, dinner, watch TV, sleep.

Very routine, predictable and pretty comfortable. But of course, like every hot blooded person, I get frustrated. That I don’t go out, that I don’t have that many friends, that I don’t feel like I’m living a life.

Well, its pretty easy to see why!

Then my 25th birthday this year came. I decided, and I made a choice to do whatever it takes to change my lifestyle, to change. I want to live.

Along with that I immediately bought a notebook that I carry everywhere I go with a beautiful quote on the cover:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

How I needed that. Its not about motivation, its not about success. Its about living a breathless life (haha, it sounds wrong but I’m pretty sure you could guess my intention!).

I set a game plan, and I wrote it as a page on this blog titled “the 10 things –  a work in progress – 2012“. To commit myself, to set easy to reach goals and to remind myself each time.

Of course as we have all experienced, will power don’t always bring you far (I do believe there are exceptional individuals out there who disagree), I prayed. I pray that I will have the determination to accomplish my goals and I also pray that I will enjoy myself along the way!

So far, it has been wonderful. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m loving myself more and more.

Do you remember?

When awkwardness was never an issue.
When shyness never occurred to you.
When nothing could possibly go wrong.

Can you imagine?

The time when the sky was blue, blue, blue.
The air was sweet and cold.
The paths with more people than vehicles.

Do you remember?

When everyone would sit together and talk,
When you see a friend before you see their race,
When smiles were the first greetings…

I can imagine it.

I remembered, for it was not that long ago when everyone could imagine good times, and look forward to a good future.

Can you imagine it?

Do you remember?

Between an optimist and a pessimist, which are you?

A joke I chanced on while looking for something to write about :

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins’ birthday their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

“Why are you crying?” the father asked.

“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken,” answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”

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I love the little joke above and I can’t help but feel that it is that way with so many people. That in the midst of splendour, they still have the ability to be miserable, to find lack and imagine every possible horrible scenario that could occur.

I would love to think of myself as an optimist, but I don’t think I’m overly optimistic to the point I’d imagine there would be a pony in a pile of manure! *guffaws*

Instead, I like to believe that I am a happy person who could see the silver lining in every cloud.

So it gets a little tiresome when the people I happen to bump into in this course of life turns out to be expert pessimists! Honestly, I don’t know what are they looking for in every negative statement that they make!

They complain when it rains, they complain when its sunny, they complain even when they ask for the situation!

Why? What could they possibly achieve from this amazing magnitude of pessimism?

The best remark I heard was this :

“When was I lucky? It’s a fact that I’m not.”

I want to banish those words from my sight from now till forever. I never want the utterance of that sentence sequence to exist!

*huff, huff, pant, wheeze*

I am calm,
I am calm,
I am calm.

Life, has so much to offer that if we just try to look at it differently, who knows? Blessings shall flow, and good things will happen on a daily basis.

I fervently believe that we are not placed on this earth to suffer endlessly, we are creations of emotions and passion, we should revel and relish every feeling that we experience! Good things, bad things, everything.

If there is one without the other, how will we know the difference?

Think about it.

Between the optimist and the pessimist, which are you?