1st of June

Seems like a good time for a start.

Its the 1st – easier to keep track and remember the starting line.

Its June – middle of the year. Sometimes the first half probably didn’t work out on beginning things or continuing things. Good time to recap and see how I can improve myself further.

Today – time for some surface evaluation. Its time to make good use of the notebooks i bought!

Sometimes in the morning

A sudden pick me up will appear. Its always unasked, which makes it unexpectedly good. This morning I remembered a friend’s blog that I haven’t visited in a long while, its a personal blog written the way she sees things, the way she thinks and the things that makes her happy. 

I like this friend and every time I read her writings I remember our nice meet ups, our early mornings spent exercising together, our evenings eating and sometimes through encouraging comments written on each other’s blogs. 

Today I saw a post where she linked a video from youtube – I lift my hands by Chris Tomlin. Indeed for the grump I can be some mornings, the song lifted my soul and made me feel that its all good.

The link is below if you’d like to check it out 🙂

Like a switch

My anger bursts forth in a click.

Could it be annoyance? An intolerance for unfair conduct? Or did I programmed my brain to instantly dislike the person / thing / thought?

Its judgement.

Like a switch, I judge the person irrational and my passion flows from my eyes.

I should learn to hide it, to mask the irritation and put on a cool facade.

To have a level of professionalism that surpasses the natural ability.

Ice cream could work.

Writing or the lack of it…

My free time at work

(Which, shamefully has been occurring a tad more frequent since it IS the end of the year)

These days has been spent idling about youtube, reading thought catalog while in search of a kindred spirit, and looking up interesting articles to write about.

The latter being the bigger failure than the former.

I find it amazing how people are able to extract information from countless sources and write out a post base on their opinion. Reading it, I thought “wow, how intelligent, I could’ve thought of this too.”

Ah, my naivety never ceases to surprise me these days. Sometimes I overestimate the capacity of my critical thinking skills versus my information absorption mode. The latter being the bigger success than the former.

Am I doomed to be an information garbage truck without ever regurgitating the contents of my head?

Yet the irony of this blog’s existence rings out.

What in nine hells is the point of having this blog when I have absolutely nothing to write about?

It is to my shame to admit, that perhaps this miniscule internet space has been used as an online self-reflection spot. I’m also just too fucking lazy to write everything out in a note book.

All hail the age of internet.

Welcome, satirical postings.

Long weekend over

The long weekend is over.

Perhaps another might come again soon, in perhaps another week’s time I think. Can hardly wait for that.

Another lazy day, another day fill with stories, another day sipping tea, another day with my loved ones and good friends.

This long weekend, aside from the wondrous fun I obviously had, I had some painfully hard decisions that needed making.

Shaking hands dialed the person’s contact number, my heart jolted when the call was picked up quickly, eliciting a cheeky hello from the other end. I almost died. However things has to be done, I got to speak out, and with the next breath I scheduled our meeting.

The meeting time came, a staring competition ensued before I told the truth and nothing but the truth. I want out. My opponent was relentless and persuasive. Our staring competition continued as my heart threatens to burst from guilt, fear and agitation. I tried again, my opponent was brutal using every advantage equipped.

The end result : I have another 2 days to reconsider.

AND THEN, more problems surfaced as I battle out my inner turmoils. Oh the affairs of the heart really complicate matters. It didn’t help that I consumed 4 bags of tea continuously in 2 hours, black.

It was not a restful night and when morning chimed in, only one thing was on my mind. Fuck it all, I’m going to work. I’m going to think about the 1st issue tomorrow and I’ll solve the heart affairs the next day. I kept telling myself Carpe Diem, once and for all, Carpe Diem through it all!

Hear from me three days later, whoever is ‘listening’ out there.

 

Snot filled morning

Have been contemplating philosophical topics the whole morning. Wondering and trying to make some sense out of just living.

The headache and snot is really getting to me. And boy was it hard to crawl out of bed, ugh, thinking about the activities lined up for me today is already making my lips dry.

Clearly my bad mood is going to get worse, if only I could get a remedy for it.

Anyway, back to my morning contemplations, I always wondered how do people continue being contented with their present mediocre life. With mediocre needs, mediocre fun and mediocre everything.

I would love to just fly out the window with a bungy cord strapped to my ankle just to get to the ground floor. Or maybe jump from building to building to reach home. It would be so cool if I could just hitch a plane ride to anywhere I want to for a few days. It would be awesome if I could just walk into a store and buy out a whole shelf of books.

It would be fantastic if I could just gate crash a party and people welcome me all the same.

It would be fanatical if I could just go up to a bar and pick up several good looking guys who turned out to be the funniest people in the world.

It would be great if I could just eat anything I want without worrying about the consequences.

My snot filled morning clearly got rid of my sense of responsibilities and realism. I need to do this more often.

Working

Personally, I like what I’m doing now which involves a lot of reading and being creative. At the same time, I’m being trained to be a lot more organised and diligent in keeping tabs.

But time and time again, I kept encountering young ones and not-so-young ones who would approach me with a great weight on their shoulders. All of them concern with their futures.

I thought that was a great thing, you don’t often get seeked for advise concerning ones future.

To a young, inexperienced greenhorn, its the biggest thing in their entire lives, that ONE decision. If I study this, will it be the best thing for me for the rest of my life?

Honestly, I was the same, except that I wasn’t so smart that I go out asking everyone in the choices I would want to make. Being an overly private person, I was disinclined to share my thoughts on my decisions and the things that I want to do.

It was really silly of me, obviously I worked myself crazy that I picked a subject just because I thought it would prove a point.

Thankfully, it wasn’t too bad, I still enjoyed myself tremendously, but a nagging thought entered my head, and I can’t help asking myself what if? Its not an entirely bad question but what’s in the past should remain in the past right? So I pressed on, used that as a lesson, and now I talk to some of the young ones and not-so-young ones..and I found that a lot more fun than anything else.

Best part was, some of them really thought I could give great advise that they referred their friends to me to share their worries. It was really enlightening and I felt really good.

At the end of the day, I still ask myself, what do I want to do with myself for the rest of my life? Money is awesome, but at the same time I would like to find something I can love and enjoy doing always.

I know its out there somewhere.

Who knows…what I may become

I just had to write to remember…

what it was like to enjoy every moment of my life,
to not take for granted of the people around you,
to appreciate my freedom of mobility,
to savour the bountiful feast laid before me.

to remember the friends of past, present and long forgotten.

Reading Ju Liang’s blog reminded me of the great times, and not so great times. But it was fully felt.

That, I believe brings the greatest difference in my life.

Thank you Lord for my life, my family and everything you give me. Thank you for your son, Jesus. Thank you for the Holy Spirit that protects me.

It takes time but I will remember, feel and experience my life again.

Cheers Ju Liang, enjoy heaven and say hello for me, see you when the time comes.