Now my dreams are against me

I have not been well the past few days, missing in training and sweating myself at night. It wasn’t comfortable, but I always look forward to sweet sweet sleep.

My dreams are always relatively normal. The dragons, adventures and the occasional love story always pop in or I get the cool darkness of R.E.M. sleep. So I don’t always remember my dreams after lunch.

The dream started with me, in a large institution, in the midst of battle preparation. I was in the arms of the person in charge of the battalion. A badass but a good leader. He was rough but he showered me with attention. I got random kisses, sudden hugs and hand grasping.

Then, with all the love in my eyes, I looked up to him and said “Would you go on a date with me?”


The reply was swift and stabbed through my heart and before I could think of a retort I hear the sound of the alarm…

Bloody clock.

Good morning and bugger me. What a way to wake up.

Sleepy Adventures

A few nights ago after having too much wine, food and chocolate my eyes involuntarily decided to close the shutters.

I appeared in a village that’s deep in the jungle. People were dressed in colourful clothes and feathers on their head or waist. They seem to speak in a different tongue, but as dreams goes, I understood it. And in a strange way, I’m a stranger and at the same time a part of the villager’s community.

What conspired after was a very important ceremony. Something needed to take place and somehow I was involved in a horrible deed that was treacherous to the people of the village. A man, who turns out to be my only supporter, ended up catching a terrible disease, or was poisoned. Also my fault, I can’t remember how – – I’m doing my best to recapture the adventure in my dream.

The people outside my temporary wooden abode were starting to get restless. They were angry and they needed to vent, shouting started and chaos ensued. The chief or the ring leader climbed up the bamboo ladder leading to the living room I’m in, my friend wasn’t looking too good as he sat beside me. The chief was not impressed. He gave an ultimatum, followed by a threat, images of a noose and many sharp pointy sticks conjured in my head. I had to solve the problem or give my life as a way of compensation.

It didn’t help that my friend is an important figure in the community and is in this situation…with me in the picture. Things were looking from bad to worse.

The chief left and I had to find a way to clear my name. A solution came strangely, by way of a floating dandelion stalk that landed on my table. Then a light so bright shone, I squinted my eyes to try and see. A person stood before me and spoke in the loveliest voice.

The being (I couldn’t tell the gender) advised me of the tasks I need to fulfill, the exotic ingredients I need to find, and the spirits I need to appeal to. All this leads to only one thing, the one thing that can save me, is to save my friend first.

Easy peasy.

The whole searching, finding, pleading and torment was shortened in my dream but I had no doubt I had almost a months worth of effort in it. Somehow I had favour from the spirits and beings in my dream, coincidences and sudden helping hands came to my aid. Soon, I had everything that was needed, and as dreams normally do I don’t need to journey back to my hut, instead a new scene appeared and I was in front of a giant black cauldron. Green fumes rose from the pot as everything was already added into it, some words were chanted and a wooden spoon was used to stir the concoction. I poured the liquid into a beaker (modern items seem to appear without my knowing, I never question it) and let it cool.

My friend was lying down on a mat and was feverish, he has taken a turn for worse and was sweating profusely. His lips were discoloured and he was mumbling a lot. I wasted no time and quickly fed him the elixir. I prayed with all my heart and with everything that is in me.

Another scene appeared after that and I was standing near a stage. I seem to be in the middle of a theatrical play and the village people were there but in modern clothes, the only ones with the colourful clothes and feathers were actors, entertainers and workers for the event.

My friend bounced next to me still in his traditional outfit, he smiled and said everything is back to normal, I did it!

I don’t know exactly what I did but it was all good. Everyone didn’t recognise me except for my friend, he held my hand as we walked and then…

I woke up.

Because I can think of absolutely nothing at all…

Everything is on “action” mode now. Its a do or die mode, spend now and regret later. Unfortunately I wish I can say the same for sex me now and ask me later, whoops, where did that came from. *snickers*

Its been an eventful time since I went AWOL from writing. Not that my writing misses me but I thought it would be nice of me to be considerate and drop by time to time. Yes, I am consoling myself, self gratification happens on a daily basis. It justifies my existence.

You know that saying, love yourself….or something. Only remembered that part, so I’ve been doing much self loving by:
1. Working out (picked up a new martial art)

2. Eating healthily (in moderation, junk food still exists, in fact I’m going to a fast food joint for lunch today, good lord yes…)

3. Dressing up

4. Buying more books (I need to find time to read them)

5. Downloading more ebooks

6. Spending money on random food

I sound like I’m getting over a break up. Which sounds pretty sad when there wasn’t anything going on to begin with. A big face palm is needed right now. Looking back I see what a busy social life I’m giving myself, my schedule is packed to the brim and I’m just so busy doing so many things and nothing at all (reading awesome comic books and finishing up the books I just started).

Yoda would’ve quote “Much life is needed for self, as self needs much life”.

Nerd, workaholic, and fitness junkie thou must not become.

Let me bring out my red carpet.

On a brighter note, bringing out the pessimist in me is strangely refreshing, I feel a lot better now.

When all the days blend into one

Finally the working weekend ended. It’ll be another 2 weeks or so before another working weekend will emerge. I took advantage of my replacement leaves and grant myself a long weekend this week….4 days of rest.

Though honestly, I would end up working, well part time.

Still it would be a lot more refreshing than the feeling I experienced for the past few days. I woke up in the morning staring at the clock and then staring out the window in bafflement, I wasn’t sure what day it was. The best part was I wasn’t sure if I had to go to work or not! Imagine that….

At the meantime, I need to sort out my tired out brain. I don’t know what I need at the present. Didn’t realise the effect would be this…bad. Oh well, an early night tonight might make a difference.

Between an optimist and a pessimist, which are you?

A joke I chanced on while looking for something to write about :

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on the twins’ birthday their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

“Why are you crying?” the father asked.

“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken,” answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”


I love the little joke above and I can’t help but feel that it is that way with so many people. That in the midst of splendour, they still have the ability to be miserable, to find lack and imagine every possible horrible scenario that could occur.

I would love to think of myself as an optimist, but I don’t think I’m overly optimistic to the point I’d imagine there would be a pony in a pile of manure! *guffaws*

Instead, I like to believe that I am a happy person who could see the silver lining in every cloud.

So it gets a little tiresome when the people I happen to bump into in this course of life turns out to be expert pessimists! Honestly, I don’t know what are they looking for in every negative statement that they make!

They complain when it rains, they complain when its sunny, they complain even when they ask for the situation!

Why? What could they possibly achieve from this amazing magnitude of pessimism?

The best remark I heard was this :

“When was I lucky? It’s a fact that I’m not.”

I want to banish those words from my sight from now till forever. I never want the utterance of that sentence sequence to exist!

*huff, huff, pant, wheeze*

I am calm,
I am calm,
I am calm.

Life, has so much to offer that if we just try to look at it differently, who knows? Blessings shall flow, and good things will happen on a daily basis.

I fervently believe that we are not placed on this earth to suffer endlessly, we are creations of emotions and passion, we should revel and relish every feeling that we experience! Good things, bad things, everything.

If there is one without the other, how will we know the difference?

Think about it.

Between the optimist and the pessimist, which are you?

A rambler’s rambling

Confused and emotional

She picked up a pen and she wrote,
She wrote voraciously,
She wrote feverishly,
She wrote about her worth.

Her eyes filled with unshed tears,
Inwardly she wept,
Inwardly she mourned,
Her heart became a dam that needs fixing.

Honest feelings

I have nothing but an honest heart,
Beautiful words don’t come to me easily,
But I do see the beauty that emanates from you.

I have difficulty expressing my thoughts into words,
Because nothing seemed to match the wonderment I see.

At times I thought to tell you something,
Something cool, something impressive,
I turn to you
And then, I end up basking in your smile

One after another, never ending

More than 10 years ago, I know of a classmate who attempted to take her life. She thought she was worthless, that she was incompetent, that she could not possibly match up to her successful and beautiful sisters who are both living extraordinary lives overseas.

Maybe about 4 years ago, I know of another person close to me who also attempted on her life, she almost leapt off the balcony of her house, she lived on the 15th floor. She couldn’t understand why her friends are getting jobs so easily while she, the honour student is having a hard time finding a job and not receiving any call backs for an interview. She wanted above all to be better than anyone she knows.

Two years ago, the same person tried again. Thankfully she didn’t succeed, this time it was because she’s insecure with her job and felt that people are looking down at her because she set such high expectations and perhaps did not feel that she lived up to it. I thought she was doing fine, the only person stressing her was herself.

Then, 10 minutes ago, I got a call. Another person I know close to me sent a letter out that she wants to give up on life. Why?

She was late in handing in her final project and her lecturers are giving her a hard time.

I don’t get it.

I really don’t get it. One after another, the cycle doesn’t end. They don’t necessarily know each other or of each other. But they do the same thing. They thought, because of one failure, or maybe two, they don’t deserve to live out their life in this world.

I don’t get it. I’m trying to but words and thoughts are all jumbled up. I’m tired, angry, frustrated and very sad.

Life shouldn’t be thrown away because you thought you’d fail your degree.

Your life shouldn’t be thrown away because your job sucks.

Your life is worth each and every failure out there because someone at home still waits for you.

I don’t get it. Why would you leave the one who thinks of you all the time?


Brace yourselves

This is going to be a little horrible and I apologise in advance.

I only had 3 hours of sleep but I finished my report, that’s what mattered. Drove to work a lot slower than usual seeing that I was sort of in a daze. Already I was planning to buy 2 cups of strong, black tea to jump start my brain and body.

My throat started to feel a little dry and constricted, maybe I’m hungry, so I took a sip of my health shake. Bad idea. My stomach started feeling queasy immediately, no way I’m going to throw up in my car so I shifted in my seat till I was slightly more comfortable and drove on. Finally after 45 grueling minutes of queuing and cutting, I arrived at the car park. Finished my shake because that’s the only breakfast I have, off I went to my office building.

My eyes glazed over the moment the aroma of coffee and tea hit me that I beeped the wrong access…”thing”, I opened the one next to me instead of the one in front of me. Oh well, I was too tired to care.

Now comes the part that I warned you about, if you don’t like it please don’t continue reading it.

Stepped into the lift and after a few seconds the doors dinged opened again and entered a rather large lady. I feel bad saying this but the sight of her suddenly triggered peristalsis in reverse. She doesn’t smell, or look bad, but because she is rather large and she was wearing extremely tight clothing, her extra bits were jutted out so painfully I had to take a couple of breaths just to keep down whatever I had this morning.

Even now as I write this, I have difficulty and am on the verge of spewing my stomach remains onto my keyboard.

It looked so disgusting, I am pretty sure there are better clothes that would’ve made her look a lot nicer. But her insistent on wearing a tight blouse that cuts into her folds and a short skirt that did not flatter her in anyway, oh and I can’t forget how in pain her feet looked, they were swollen and bruised in her open toe heels.

I felt so sick I had to avert my eyes.

This is not the first time I met a large person, heck, I meet large people everywhere. Some of my friends are large people. They just happen to like food very much or they could have been suffering from a condition. Its fine.

I just couldn’t take how blatantly she exposed her unhealthy lifestyle. She’s large and proud, fine. But please, oh please I beg so hard I’m on my knees, please don’t allow your body to portray such painful statements by forcing it into unsuitable clothing. Its just painful.

Sigh, I should stop. I shall stop.

Its not fair!

This is going to be really corny and almost mash potato mushy.

Ugh, just thinking of it is already making me queasy.

But oh gosh I want to rant! Its SO FREAKING UNFAIR! As I have already stated, as the title of this post.

I have a male friend, who’s abso-positive-ly gorgeous to the ends of the earth. We just met so we’re probably just friends. Yours truly however is smitten. I blame the stubble. Oh do I blame the stubble.

My palms sweat, something’s in my throat and my heart skipped so many beats I don’t know how am I producing enough blood to function.

He, on the other hand probably doesn’t think much of it. Cool as a cucumber.

Not fair. Not fair at all.

Calm down me, there’s no need to be so happy whenever there’s a reply or a suggestion to meet up again. Its not THAT important, (actually, it is, oh my god it is).

Focus on work! Focus on getting the things you neeeeeed and focus on living your life! Not on this male human with gorgeous eyes and stubble on face that you want to…….ARGHHHHHH!

I can hear the brain telling me to shut up now.

I have ranted, my throat is still constricted, but I need to go back to work.

Yes, work.

Its still morning! A bloodsucker fell by both my hands and revenge was bloody sweet.

Picture source : The uniblog

Something’s up. I don’t know what but something’s up.

Its not the ceiling though it is definitely above me, I probably need to wander around the neighbourhood. What do you think?

Maybe I should go get a fruit or something. Hmmmmm fruit. *ponders…sighs*

Cow tits.

Rainbow farting.

Unicorn blood.

Powder junkie.

Chocolate chip oreo cookies.