Now my dreams are against me

I have not been well the past few days, missing in training and sweating myself at night. It wasn’t comfortable, but I always look forward to sweet sweet sleep.

My dreams are always relatively normal. The dragons, adventures and the occasional love story always pop in or I get the cool darkness of R.E.M. sleep. So I don’t always remember my dreams after lunch.

The dream started with me, in a large institution, in the midst of battle preparation. I was in the arms of the person in charge of the battalion. A badass but a good leader. He was rough but he showered me with attention. I got random kisses, sudden hugs and hand grasping.

Then, with all the love in my eyes, I looked up to him and said “Would you go on a date with me?”

“No.”

The reply was swift and stabbed through my heart and before I could think of a retort I hear the sound of the alarm…

Bloody clock.

Good morning and bugger me. What a way to wake up.

Meeting strangers, becoming friends

I don’t know if it was the high from last night’s fun time at a comedy stand up show or the chocolate bar I indulged in after, but this morning, I felt like I sprouted a huge pair of balls.

Yes, very crude but it will explain itself in due time.

At first meeting, most people would tell me that I have a really cheerful personality and that I’m a people person. That I’m outgoing and I must be the life of the party.

Half of it is true, I believe I am a pretty cheerful person but I don’t know much about being the life of the party and being really outgoing. I only act like it when it suits me really, which is not really often.

My heart starts beating fast and more often than not, stupid things come out from my mouth when I meet strangers, gosh I wished I taken back half the things I said. Thankfully, they thought I was joking.

I’m glad they don’t read this.

Anyway, the bravery bit explained : I finally got the guts to ask a member of the opposite sex out for a casual hang out. An acquaintance, that I…am interested in. Normally, I’d rather die than to initiate any meeting or overtures in blossoming any friendship, honestly it could just rot for all I care because I’m afraid.

Possibly I’m afraid I make a fool of myself, or that the person might think I’m weird and wouldn’t want to hang out with me again. Very childish but I’m being truthful, and I believe that’s what most people are afraid of, the latter confession that is. Rejection in case I went too fast.

Everyone is guarded about their personal space, their privacy and their ego. Ohhhh lord forbid you do anything to bring them down a peg or two or worse still, embarrass them! Eek. Potential nuclear disaster in high alert.

I know this because I can be like that too, however I find the reason for me to be so guarded about myself to be a little silly. How can someone know you if you withhold who you are?

I think stories, and movies ought to take the blame for brain washing us to thinking that its normal for us to hide who we are. Truly we are too much of a monster to be exposed and to share. No one would accept us. Then, the time will come when the ONE, will appear and dramatically shed all the layers and see you for who you are and omg you guys are meant to be.

Bollocks. What about good friends, best friends, and the potential caring circle of people who know you? they don’t have to know everything, they can live with knowing the important thing, you.

I digressed heavily from the intended topic but in a way I still think it links. (stubborn) Anyway, I met a stranger, I hope we can become friends, because that’s the way we have been created. To meet one another and to share the fun we could create together.

Corny. Leave me alone…for 5 minutes.